Stick Children

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  stick children skate on ice
  tiny figures with fluffy red hats
  on the edge of a crystal pond
  boys build a fire,
  roast marsh mellows crispy,
  parents stand in groups around a frozen pond
  they shout out to them the way parents do
  Belinda baby, be careful you might fall
  Andrew don’t let your ankles touch the ice
  Don’t trip on Tracy’s scarf , Sally Mae
  out of the side of her mouth,
  Andrew’s mom tells Mrs. Shaw,
  Andrew has weak ankles-ya know,
  but I think he will grow out of it
  little folks pull sleds an inch at a time up
  white covered mounds
  a group of boys practice playing ice hockey
  with their older brother’s sticks and pucks
  in the foreground the skeletons of seven
  swing sets stand bare of swings
  stripped for the winter months
  slides and monkey bars go unused
  snow and ice are now
  the playground toys
  hills and sleds more fun
  cars parked in the lot
  rusted chains on tires
  snow topping the roofs
  steam coming from hoods
  a blue purple sky tops
  a black outline of white
  snow over pale blue
  ice while an orange sun
  shines in the distance
  giving light on a cold winter day
  　

My Dentist

　
　
wider
don’t move
hold on
just a moment longer
you are okay
you’re doing fine
play the music
louder
if the noise
disturbs you
I’m sorry
for the taste
the pain
are you sure
that hurts
it isn’t supposed
to

From the Bus

there was a smile.
It started small,
a shy little curve.

Then it grew,
spread wide
across

the face of the sun
and the moon.
His eyes

were trapped
by that smile
caught by her lips

perfectly full
uncovered by paint.
The bus stopped.

People pushed
her past the door
Such a sad little smile

said goodbye.

Ready Class

　

On the floor in the circle are many things
Floating on a sea of gray--bumping up against
One another tossed by a wave of hands
A paper cube compliments a crane
While a Retablo carries St. Francis across the bay
A yellow ski hat sidles up to a shirt with stripes
Bold and brash it says “Hello again, we have met before.”
Sadly the nature of these things does not allow them
to move but I am not sad today and
They seem to sneak around--show up in unexpected places
On the gray of a perfectly flat surface
They juggle for position tugging each other to and fro
Beckoning to those outside to come on in
Black wood beads slip on out
Hey! Come back shouts Charlie Brown
He is shaped like a torn comic. He can do nothing
Weighted down by a heart-shaped rock
Perhaps like a machine that has forgotten how to work.
And then a bell rings……

Nose End

　

Well
I’ve lost
most
days are gray
rain
finds a path
falls
from nose end
Well
he’s gone
　
　
　

Talk About the Summer

　
Forest River Park
with its seaside beach
its man-made sea-water
pool a place to broil
in the sun play
in a green-grass park
slide down concrete slides
climb boulders scale walls
Gallows Hill Park
with its baseball park valley
surrounded by pine
a rocky car park holds
spectators and players
red, blue and golden socks
boys playing hard
for the home-park team
Talk about the summer
when I was twelve
watching those boys
play their games while
I sat on a painted pine bench
slid down concrete slides
scaled walls in a green-grass park
broiled on a sun-drenched beach
　
　
　
　

Dear God

Thankyou
for today
for this morning

I wake up
warm
filled

Wrapped
in a smile
daylight

“Grammy, when you blow your nose, it makes music.”

Losing

　
Did you know? on days you are not with us
your daddy watches the same cartoons you and he watch
Spiderman, Superman, Batman; real man cartoons
He sits there on the chair spread out like always
his arm rests in a little circle a space for you
beside him on the chair.
His hair hangs over half-shut eyes
his knee pokes through a hole in worn jeans
He can’t hide the stains, not the way he sits
he wishes you were curled up in that space.
I run my hand over waves on his head
he is my own boy; a man with a son
not here to fill that space
　
　
Did you know?
the days you are not with us
your daddy watches
cartoons you and he watch
when you are here with us.
He sits there on the chair reclined,
his arm resting in a little circle,
a little space for you
beside him on the chair.
You know he wishes
you were beside him.
I run my hand over
waves of hair on his head
he is still my own little boy,
a man with a son.
I miss you
when you are not here to fill that space.
　

Ode to Sissy Cat

the great gray killer of giant bugs,
crinkly foil, dangerous creatures etc.
super saver
keeping us safe
unafraid in a bug filled world
heir to Snuggle B
the buggler
whose heart failed
whose family
had no money
to save her

Death on a Toilet

Did you know Aunt Mirilda died
on the toilet ?
honest to God, she did
Aunt Jane pulled fake teeth
from her wide-open mouth
was she choking?
her heart stopped, is all
here I am, sitting on the pot
praying
I’ve been sick, lately
how attached to my toilet
I am, practically glued.

Living

　
It began with death; well, almost death. The medical technicians told me if I were willing my brain could live on. They showed me the robot. Skin soft supple so new I could see, hear, talk, walk just as I always had but not feel, not taste food or men. It would be perfect. It would last for a hundred years. The cost my living organs; the ones still useful. They would go to someone who only wanted to finish up their life in a body they already had. So here I am now in Paris walking the L’orve, ready to move on to Rome. They tell me there is a button hidden in my armpit. Just in case, I should want to shut down.
　
　

It's Morning

　
almost time
to wake up
shake away
the dawn
tears fall
but I can
embrace
a blue sky
I can see
the sun
between
rain drops
joy begins　
　

On Caden's Beach

A sand wheel tilts
across a toy boat laying
on its side
it waits to sift
white sand
speckled and sparkling
black bits of dead leaves
pepper the white
a pail
in a rush to be filled stands
stuck with a shovel
but no one
is here to fill it
gathered around
are tiny cars and trucks
toys sailing
on a sea of sand
all hemmed in
by a green lawn
shaded by a weeping pine
I wait my door open
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　

On Film

　
The Gown
a white ghost
hanging
in the back
of my closet
whispers
dark secrets
weeps
because
he’s gone
threads
no longer hold
together

Begin

I had a thought
stretched it
loved it
lapped it
my tongue
my mouth
wet with juice
I zested its skin
a sweet
sun-like
explosion

Game

　
She sang a song
took a gray button
strung it
on a sturdy string
tied the two ends together
and cradled the string
between her hands
on middle fingers
spun it around
again again again
stretched and released
again again again
the button
began to sing
to the rhythm
remember
remember
the song it sang
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　

Toilet Prayer

I wonder
As I sit
On the toilet
If others do
The same
Fill the space
The silent space
Use it to call
Your name
Do others
Sing out to You
When driving
In a car
While I scurry
Work-hurry
Have You heard
Me ask for help
I wonder when
I talk to You
If You care
About the where
　
　

Kid again

I sit on the floor
with a cardboard box of toys
bought at the 5 & 10 cents store
for a nickel and a dime
we listen to the morning soaps
from Ma's new radio held in mahogany
while Ma irons other people's clothes
yearns for a new washer that needs no wringer
dreams of a stove that needs no coal
the sun streams through the kitchen window
catches the red glow-wood shine
time, she says
yesterday we didn’t have a radio

To be

in-love with God
is such a twist
a curled up
womb-like feel
of living
in a world
rolled up in itself.
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　

The Music Plays and....

I am Ma
I am Grammy
wife
lover
whoever
I need to be

"Holy Prayer!" I shout, "What else could go wrong."

The Ride Home

She planned a different life
She wanted peace
—a smooth ride

uncertainty breaks her brain
whenever is never an answer
—it is all she has

she pedals fast pushes
past green lights
stops at red……….waits

calf and thigh stretched
strong, hard, lean
cross-streets wiz by
—zoom, zip by on hot black tar

she thinks and her muscles ripple
strength strains to spin the wheels
it is all she has

A Joyful Place

You know
Ma is in a joyful place
the angels came
there was the softest laughter
the gentlest chuckle
the barest giggle
surrounding her body
her beautiful body
her beautiful soul
surrounding me
she joined them
witness
how she stayed
while we laid her body to rest
Dad and I held hands
Charlie stood beside us
Elliott's hand in his
Steven beside them
Our love was all laid out
along with her
and we rested
Filled with loss and joy for her
for us we emptied our sorrow
the laughter was there
for as long as we needed.

Sissy Always Wins

When I am
running down
the hall

Sissy cat
is likely
to make me
fall

the dogs
aware
danger
lurks
my aim
the toilet

but not
Sissy
she takes
a chance

she runs
beside me
before me
between
my legs

her aim
to play
to hunt
her prey
　
I end up
on the floor
by bathroom door
oh! Yuck
Sissy! Cat!

The Little Library

At the little library
the hat is always here
a silver pig, books

Caden holds back
there are older kids at play
with the kitchen and its toy fruit

being small is bad--being small is good
Blue bird where do you go when it rains?
Do you eat blue bells for breakfast?

he smiles at the older kids
they want him to play
they want to feel bigger to his small.

A Prayer

My father,
Let me take
you for granted.

Give me a rest
from feelings
too much to bear

Let me know
that you are here
that you are near.

the days are rough
the rain is hard.
Let me hear you

whisper in my soul.
Stretch your word
across my mind.

You are the sun
through the cloud.
you are the son

the spirit knows
Let me take
you for granted

let me know.

Scary Rides

Being afraid of scary rides
does not mean you won’t
play tag on rooftops__ skateboard
down parking garages
stop and help
a drunk lady home
fling a boy off your bike
who was trying to steal it
how silly he was
fly into Central Africa
on a rickety old ten seat plane
climb a mountain in Pakistan
to put up tin sheds for homeless
live in a war zone
tell people about God

Banana Boats

to cry out
the pain
it does not
have to be
the worst
for some
it’s “oh heck “
for others
“jekus crow”
it covers up
lightens up
drips down
below
for me
“banana boats”
covers up
the spills
elbow cracks
and even
broken hearts
words
I love
the words
that heal
they stroke
my soul
stoke
strength
into spine
and chill
my brain
how cool
to live
breathe
bent-over
backwards
with words

One Prayer

　
　
God help me to know you are real
reveal the goodness that is you
let me take you for granted and know.

Here we are in Coronado Park

　　
My heart bounces
like the rubber ball
we throw and catch
on an old brick wall

today is our day
we can do anything
skin browned more
by the summer sun

you run along with me
my old clothes
my gray hair
I slow you down

we spend some time
making castles
under blue
and yellow painted slides

We hide in those castles
how few days we have left
to play in the sand
slide down the slides

you hold my hand
we pull each other
through the sand
over to the swings

“Grammy"
push me high not low
push me high in the sky
watch me fly "Grammy”

your arms spread out
4 year old muscles
strain to pump the way
I taught you

“Watch me fly__ Grammy"

“Watch me fly”
　
　

TWO PRAYERS
　
First Prayer
　
God help me to know you are real
reveal the goodness that is you
let me take you for granted and know.
　
　
Second Prayer

Dear Jesus,
jealously is a curious thing
especially when I find myself worried

whether someone else loves you more than I do,
whispers your name more often
understands you better

praises you more to your liking
is more right in your eyes than I am
knows your heart.

In the beginning
at the drop of a hat tears would fall
Lips quivered. And my throat filled.
I couldn’t swallow the joy.

Lord, I said Let me take you for granted.
Let me just know you are.
This love overwelms me.

I’m not strong enough to bear the weight of it.
Now she feels what I felt
thinks what I thought,

Bears what I bore and I say to you Jesus.
Don’t let me take you for granted.
　
　
　
　
　
　

Wake

　
Shoot me in the heart and I will die
Said the bird
Twist my foot and I will limp
Said the pig
Love me and I will blossom
Said the flower
　
Wake
　
So God gave the woman a poem
to write in the middle of the night
Each time she got up
because she knew if she did not
In the morning it would be gone
When she was fully awake
the poem was done
The bird lived and the pig walked
　

It Ain't Corn

When you see a dark-ugly mess above
a turning twisting cloud below___when
you see a snake-like form__then vanish
when you see a whirling funnel___travel
across the land___ you don’t just stand
there_______________ shucking corn
　
　
　
　
　

Crushed Flowers

I think of you every now and then,
your heart hung out on a line to dry.

How many times can you wash a thing?
People don’t live when their hearts are broken

bones and skin--the occasional hair pulled out.
Your children hit with belts and brooms; by you.

You blasted against walls; by him.
Left in a heap like laundry on a cold concrete floor

Do you remember when we walked the hills in summer?
We simmered in the sun. We were so brown.

We had picked all the berries and left the bushes bare of blue.
We crushed the last of the purple iris drying its skin,

peeled from the burn of the sun.
I love the rhythm of laundry on a line in the summer morning, the wind swishes and sways fine nothings, past

poles that tie it to the earth.

On Halloween

dressed up like an angel
powerful in white and gold
every ghost and goblin afraid
the head of a lion
the willfulness of a man
my boss is God
I would say
be gone
a humming bird’s needle nose
sucking, sipping, the evil
from devilish souls
whimpering
orange puppies
hide in bushes
seek out the rain
it won’t help them
indeed rain burns
peels orange skin
from orange flesh
spits out its seeds
shreds earth into mounds
flame colored balls
their eyes cut out
wasted in the trash
a nearby ghost sheds his coat
casts it over a pool of blood
it rises it dribbles
over my largest toe
desperate to end this game
give and get hide and find
I use my hidden strength
make it right
then go home to bed
like the rest of the kids do
when Halloween is over.
　

Word

　 　　
_ _ _ _ _
　
　
If you speak a word
and the word is yours
It glides off your tongue, slips
rolls down
If I say the word
I don’t know what it means
It doesn’t matter
there is a book to tell me
It is full of words
It tells me what the word means
It tells me how to make the sounds
make it speakable
thank you for the word
spoken to me now
thank you for the word
written, whispered or sung
shouted with joy
hidden by sadness
lifted up again in laughter
even ground out in anger
bounced off the corners of my world
sound ringing through the air
It holds the message
_ _ _ _ _
　
　
　
　
　

You Said Yes

I asked for a purpose
for the time I had left
You gave me a purpose
You gave me a child,
a last child to love
a chance to begin
again at the end,
curls and baby eyes,
his grandpa’s nose
his skin kissed brown
shining in the sun
the love spills
in and out of my heart
making music
and tears hold hands
　
“Grammy” he says,
“when I grow up
I’ll play baseball”
we sing our silly songs
make up our silly jokes,
build towers to the sky
leggo blocks stand tall
count the colors in a rainbow
he dances to the tunes of toons;
Blue’s Clues, Sponge Bob,
Dora the Explorer
When I leave him,
he pleads with me to stay
Pleads for a promise to return
You said yes How can I say, I can’t
　
　
　

Superpup

　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　

I love Biz, Caden said.
Someday, he will get bigger
We will put a cape on him
You and me, Grammy
And he will climb tall buildings
And save people, Grammy
And Biz wiggled his 68 happy pounds
Happy to be loved-loving to be happy
　
　
　

Reckless

　

Riding a tricycle
hard work
when you are three
On hard and soft dirt
old cracked grass
a back yard gone to ruin
Ah ha! ah ha!
grumm rumm ah ha!
you shout loud
You pump pedals
to the limit
fast and hard
hard and fast
you turn
more than once
tip and topple
catch your self
your daddy watches you
slip and slide
faster and faster
scratches his head
mulling it over　
“I guess it will be awhile
before you drive a car, son”
　
　
　

9 a.m.

Little children
notice peoples faces.
They notice the nice things.
They notice the flaws
They never hesitate to mention
those nice things - those flaws.
Caden notices
a red mark underneath my smile,
“What’s that?”, he asks
“What?“, I say
“That”, he says, “that red“.
“Oh, that just came” say I
not wanting to explain
a pimple picked
a pimple squeezed,
“Are you growing a mustache”
again, again and again
and we laugh and laugh again
and again-he doesn’t know
things need to go unnoticed
left alone for a time alone
mirrored in a bathroom glass

3 a.m.

　
　　
Caden woke up at 3 a.m.
He said, “Nice hair-cut Grammy”
Laid his head down on her belly
Had to lift his head to look her in the face
Make that sound again Grammy
The one you do with your belly.
When she couldn’t do that
He put his head on her chest
He was cradled in her arm pit
Lifted his head to look her in the face
I can hear your heart. He pulled himself away.
glump, glump glump, glump he said
Your heart won’t stop Grammy
Then laid his head back down to hear some more.